HOLIDAY SEASON

I know it's been a few days since I've updated this. Her counts actually went up! She had an appt yesterday and she's now back up to 522 (ANC). She didn't need a transfusion either! So we're good to go to be hospital free for New Years! We took pictures at Daddy's parents house over the weekend and I'll post them up after I resize them (huge files). Ryla actually stopped walking a little bit after the 5 days of Decadron (Steroids). She's shakey again but she's getting back up to walking again.

When I give her baths, her hair will move around when I would put shampoo on her head! It's growing back!! I'm so excited!! I'm so glad that she is showing NO signs of it coming back. I hope this next year will be a better year for us. We've got big plans this coming year and I'm scared, nervous but also excited. I'll keep you all updated on that later on. Well, I'll see if I can update again before this year ends... if not, my family and I would like to thank everyone who's been by our side during this trial. My family is so thankful and we really appreciate everything that you all did for us. Happy New Year to all.

ROSEY, ROSEY

Ryla's face and lips are so rosey! I'm lovin it! Yesterday's tranfusion gave her the boost she needed so as not to look pale all the time. She's doing much better than the last couple of days. I guess when she's on Steroids, she does things that makes us worry about her but I gotta keep on remembering that its just the steroids. Today is her first day off the steroids and already she's making progress in being back to normal. She's playing with her baby brother downstairs so I can't make this long. Just wanted to tell you how rosey she looks right now!

TRANSFUSIONS, CONFUSIONS

Ryla had another transfusion today at the hospital. Her counts are still low and the doctors are thinking that the chemo that they're giving her is a little too much for her. Right now all Chemo is on hold. I'm not giving her any of her meds at home. Today was her last day of the steroids! YAY! Today, Arcy and I actually had some questions written down to ask the doctors (well actually Arcy text messaged me the questions he had) and as I kept asking her the questions, I couldn't help it and I broke down to her. I guess trying to get all our questions answered was like how I felt when she first was diagnosed, we had nothing but millions of questions the first time.

Last night, Arcy broke down crying. I guess after holding in the fear for a long time, you just burst into an emotional rollercoaster. It was the fact that last night, Ryla was just not being Ryla. She was grumpy, whiney, tired and last night, he just had a glimpse of how she was back in May and it was killing him to see her like that. We still ask, "WHY?!" but we know we will never get the answer to that question. He was thinking a whole lot last night. He said that out of all this time, we were thinking that we were doing all of the sacrifices for her, when really, she's doing the ultimate sacrifice. An innocent little girl has been tainted with so much pain and agony and she doesn't even know why!! This year, by far, has been the worst year of our lives. Yes we are a new family but we've experienced so much pain, frustration, stress in half the time than others. It just never seems to end at all. We keep praying for a better year next year but I can't help but to think that it might just get even worse. I know that I shouldn't think of that and have FAITH but being human, that will always be in the back of my head.

During the end of last week, we went to see if we can get disability for Ryla. I called, got an appointment, Arcy and I went, and we go turned down. We were so certain that we would automatically get approved. That disability was going to help us out in the long run and now we have no where else to go. So what I'm going to do is, I'm going to appeal it. I will try again and try my best to get approved.

There's so much I wanna do for Ryla and for our family as a whole but I feel so stuck! The issue that's keeping me stuck is our financial issue. I know money isn't everything but in this world, you can't get around without any money and I feel so bad that I, RYLA'S MOMMY, can't even give her toys or her favorite meals (Chicken nugget/Cheeseburger Happy Meal), to reward her for being a good girl and taking in her Chemo like a champ! I have to look to somebody else to reward her for it. I know they don't mind doing it at all but I guess it's just one of a MOTHER's worst feeling.

STILL SMILING

Picture taken before the Military Party. Alex didn't go because he would just whine the whole time so we decided to just take Ryla. Ryla was super excited to go to a "PARTY". She couldn't wait the night before and the whole day to wear her "PRINCESS DRESS". We did a trial run on her dress the night before and she wouldn't want to take it off! She would model and take pictures and tell us "I LOB MY DRESS!" She was the highlight of the night! Everyone that saw her that night was throwing compliments left to right about her. She wasn't shy that night either! She waved at everyone that was passing by and when they even played her song, she asked me to go to the dancefloor and she danced! She had such a fun day! And on top of that, we won a Mini Digital Camcorder/Camera on the raffle! She stood up on her chair and was clapping and yelling "GO DADDY!" when they called his name! She was amazing that night! She was definitely a Princess at a Ball!!

DOWN...

I don't understand how all her counts went so low! She had Chemo today and her blood results came out really low! She went from an ANC level of 3,580 to only 520! Her plateletts were low too! No wonder she has been getting so many bruises on her legs! And also she started showing what looks like rashes but it's not. It's just that her plateletts were too low! The weird thing about it is that she showed NO SIGNS of having a low blood count. This girl has been playing, walking, talking, laughing and just had so much energy! She did look pale but I never expected her counts to be this low. I thought it would've just been slightly off. The doctor said that there could be a chance that she's developing something (I PRAY that's not it) or it just could be because of her medications?! I don't know... but I was just very upset today. Her appt was at 9am and we didn't get out until 5:15pm. She had two transfusions done today.

This has been one long day for me. After her appt, I left her and Alex at my in-laws house while Arcy, Joanne and I went to the viewing of my "auntie". I couldn't hold back tears when I walked in. I just can't believe "CANCER" has taken another life... I'm so glad that the kids and "uncle" was taking it really good. They held themselves together. I was the one falling apart and holding in my tears as much as I could.

IN LOVING MEMORY...

I still hang out with friends that I've known for over 19 years and their parents have grown to also be my parents as well. On Friday, I found out that one of my childhood "mom" has passed away from "CANCER". Never knew she had it! I knew she was sick because she was pale and her hair was wearing thin but I never knew that it was cancer. She was battling Cancer for over 2 years! When she first got diagnosed, doctors was already saying that she probably only had less than 6 months but she held on strong for 2 long years! No wonder when Ryla was first diagnosed with Leukemia, they were the first ones to visit her in the hospital. They've been so close to Ryla ever since. I thought that "Oh it's just cause they're like parents to me and knowing what I went through with Ryla the first time (my high risk pregnancy)" but it was much more than that. They were feeling exactly what I've been feeling this whole time. They wanted to keep her battle private. I guess she just didn't want to deal with people talking about it and what not. I just can't believe she's gone. She was one of the most sweetest person! It's just weird cause just recently I brought down a bag of clothes in my in-laws attic and I found a dress that she had made for me. I sure will miss her.

I realized how many of my childhood friend's has had a parent pass away from Cancer and it's just so weird! I realized that a lot of my friends lives were touched with cancer somehow. Ryla HAD leukemia, my friend Rhealynn's dad fought cancer, Lynniel's mom fought cancer, Hershey's mom fought cancer, Josh's dad fought cancer, Erica's mom is still fighting Cancer.... I can't believe how many people around me were touched by cancer! Ijust can't believe it....

By the way, Ryla's still doing GREAT!

HOPING FOR THE BEST

Today's blood results were I guess okay. I wanted it to be better but I knew something must be low because I've noticed that her lips were pale again. Everything is in the normal range except for her red blood cells again. It's below the normal count. Not too low but it's low. Her Hemoglobin is 7.9, you have to be 7.5 or lower to get a blood transfusion. But her ANC level is AWESOME! She's at a whopping 3,580!! I LOVE THAT NUMBER! Next week she's due for Chemotherapy and also.... DECADRON for another 5 days. I thought she would never have to take Steroids ever again but I guess the nurses that told me that, didn't look further into her road map. She'll be hating next week because they will have to access her through her port (or what she likes to call it, her BUDDY). I'll be taking a picture of her for my little project about, seeing her hair grow month after month soon!

We're slowing getting the feel of the financial struggle now. Our savings are practically gone now (fast huh?) So I tried calling the Foundations for more help.... so far, no response back. I even went further and tried to enter us in our local radio station's contest called "12 days of Christmas" at 101.5 KGB, where for 12 days in a row, they will give $1000 to a family in need for this holiday season. So far no calls either. I've never done that before and especially enter for our sake, but we're getting stuck now. I'm running out of ways to get some sort of extra income. I called S.S. and applied Ryla for disability so hoping that will go through for us and that will help out a lot. We also applied for WIC for us today too. I'm just so close to asking for my job back but I know I can't just yet. We have to adjust to being around $2000 less every month. That is a big cut, don't you think? Just imagine, while I was working, we were actually just getting by. We had enough to go to Sea World ever-so-often just to see the shamu shows that Ryla loves and maybe go and eat out at a restaurant. And for those who have my cell phone number, I will be disconnecting my cell just so that we can save money and we'll be keeping Daddy's cell phone active. I'm just venting out right now... I know God won't leave us alone. I know he'll be answering our prayers. We just gotta be patient!

SMOOTH SAILING....

Ryla is doing a fantastic job! Last night and the night before, we went to Balboa Park for the Winter Lights Festival and she had fun! It was cold but the cold didn't bother her, not one bit! She enjoyed seeing all of the Christmas Lights. We have more pictures but it's in my sister's camera so once she uploads it, I will add it on here.
Ryla will be going to her next doctors appt on Wednesday and I'm happy that it's just a CBC and nothing more. Just a prick on the finger! :) I hope that her counts are normal and okay. Oh yeah, you can see a light coat of hair all over her head! Once you can really see it, I will show you guys! I think I should do a monthly shot of her! What do you guys think? Maybe at the end of every month, I'll take a picture of her and you can see the progress of her hair growth!! :)

GOBBLE GOBBLE!

Sorry it took me a while to update her blog. Thanksgiving was great. We started off at Daddy's Parent's house. We took all of Ryla's toys down from the attic and Alex now has a car he can roll himself around the house along with Ryla. She was so excited to see all of her old toys.

Afterwards we headed towards my side of the family's house. Ryla had fun playing with her cousin and her cousin's toys too. She is now able to walk herself around on her own! THANK GOD!

This picture below was taken today. She's sitting on her and Alex's favorite window sill. She was sitting there while watching her Disney movies! Look how happy she is now! I'm finally getting my baby girl back! THANK YOU!!!!

To let you guys know too... Her eyelashes are starting to grow back as well as her eyebrows and more hair is coming out on her head! We're so happy she's doing great!

WALKING WALKING!

She did it! She's finally starting to walk again! Of course she still wants to hold my hand but the fact is, SHE'S WALKING! She had a doctors appt today so we were there at 8am. It was only for a CBC (labs) which is just a prick on the finger so for a while she was happy! She wanted to walk around the treatment room (with me holding one hand). She's to the point where she's just holding my PINKY and she's walking!!! It's not perfect walking but she's totally getting there! After the results from her lab work came in, came the tears. We found out that she needed a blood transfusion and in order for her to receive blood... they have to poke her again through her port (she calls it her "BUDDY")... So she knew she was gonna get an "OWIE" today. I even told her before we got there that she wasn't going to have any "OWIES" so I felt bad when I had to break the news to her. She of course cried but she didn't SCREAM like she use to do! She did scream maybe once or twice but not as bad as before. So we were there for 3 extra more hours. She hung out and played with Breanna (Another A.L.L. Patient). It was nice to see that she was finally interacting with other kids her age. When she was done with the transfusion, she even helped the nurse put Heprin in her tube! Then she fell asleep. She gets really sleepy after a transfusion.

I'm just so happy that she's finally trying to walk on her own! She's doing a good job and even the nurses were happy and even saying "YOU'RE WALKING!! YAY!!" they gave her a present from the gift box! She got herself a barbie! heheh!!

As most of you know, I've created a website just for Ryla that has ALL her other sites combined in there so that way you can just save this website, instead of having like 3 different sites of Ryla. Please come by and check it out when you have the chance. It's www.freewebs.com/rylalove . I'm adding more things to it so please keep on checking up on it! Thank you to everyone who's been helping us throughout this whole situation. Without you guys, we would be lost....

SEA WORLD

We had a nice day at Sea World on Saturday. Ryla was soo excited all the way since we were in the car, driving to Sea World! She kept talking and talking and laughing and laughing. When she saw Sea World from the road, she started pointing at it, with big eyes and screaming, "MOMMY! DADDY! IT'S SEA WORLD!!" We tried to trick her and say "Oh we're not really going to Sea World, we're just passing by" and she said, "No. It's a waste of gas" hahah! She's so silly! I think she's not the only one who favors Shamu. Alex had a wonderful time too! He kept clapping and laughing everytime Shamu jumped out of the water! He would say "OOOO!!!" and then laugh and clap hahah he's so cute!

After our time at Sea World we stayed home and hung out. I think it wasn't a good thing to do because Ryla got so bored and then she started to whine and complain about everything! Me and Daddy started to get really upset when she all of a sudden, out of nowhere, said "I want my hair to grow back".... She's starting to really understand that it's not a normal thing for her to lose her hair like that. But what she doesn't know yet is that it is starting to grow back! I see her eyelashes growing back and I'm starting to see lighter strands of hair growing! Her eyebrows are starting to peek out too! I can't wait to see her with a full set of hair again!

She's finally done with the Dexathemasone (Steroids). She had to take it for 5 days and I can't believe how fast it kicked in! Doctors were saying that it might not even show any effects but it did! She was very emotional this week and very cranky! At least it didn't stop her from walking. Usually it was the Steroids that stopped her from walking. On Saturday she was walking with me just holding one hand. She was doing the rest and she was doing a good job! She didn't walk long but it was long enough for me to know that she's working her legs. I can't wait until she runs around and chases Alex. Both my kids are ALMOST there with walking! I can't wait!

Ryla Amor's Lullabye Store

Yes I've updated her Online Store and added more items! Thank you for those who've given me their ideas! They're all wonderful and expect those ideas to be inputted in her store very soon!!! If you go to her store, you will see that I am not quite done yet! :) I want to do more but it is getting late and we're off for a little family trip tomorrow! I will tell you all where we went and how it went after we come back from it!

New Updates on the Store:

-Almost every section of the store will have a selection that says: "Support Ryla". Those are all the apparels that relate to supporting Ryla.

-Cancer Section: More apparel with different designs
Please check back often for I will be updating her store at any chance I can get!! Thank you all!!!

www.cafepress.com/rylaslullabye Please click on the link above to look at her Online Store. Thank you all!

MAINTENANCE

Ryla had an appt this morning. Her first day in "MAINTENANCE". She was suppose to get a Spinal Tap done today but her appt slip from Friday didn't say anything about a Spinal Tap. Just a CBC. So she drank milk this morning and she was suppose to be fasting. So we gotta go tomorrow and get a Spinal Tap and a Flu shot done on her. I am so happy to say that her counts are back to NORMAL! Her ANC level is a whopping 2,600!!! Just last week she was at 24-48! What a difference it is to be at home than to be in the hospital. Once we got home from the hospital, she immediately started eating and playing and trying to stand up and walk! I can't wait till we can play tag again!

NIGHTMARES BEGIN...

Last night as Ryla was sleeping, she started to whine and say "I wanna walk around!". She always use to say that when we were in the hospital because she hated being stuck in her room. So we would put her in the stroller, strap the IV pole with the stroller handle and then walk her around the hospital floor for hours and hours. I hugged her and told her "Hunny, you're home now.. its okay... don't cry" and after that she calmed down. Last night I had a nightmare myself about Ryla and I woke up with tears in my eyes. I guess we are just overwhelmed with what happened to us and we still have yet to settle in our home and feel comfortable and realize that we are home.

Earlier today Arcy calls me and tells me during her nap she started whinning again asking to walk around and she would say "I'm DONE!" That was what she always use to say when the nurses/doctors would give her medicines or draw blood or do anything to her. He tried waking her up but she would cry and ask to go to the stroller and then he kept telling her, "Hunny, we're home!" and when she opened up her eyes, she would look around and it took a couple of seconds for it to register to her that we really are home... :( My poor baby girl is traumatized.... I don't blame her... that was the most depressing 3 weeks of our lives...

FINALLY HOME

Picture taken on the Oct. 17th
Thank God we are finally home! It's been the hardest 3 weeks we've ever had to face. We've faced so many challenges but with our FAITH, we were able to defeat it! She is now on MAINTENANCE! She will only be receiving Chemo once a month until 2008. Yes that sounds like a long time but it will be so much smoother than these past 5 months. Now we've taken a new turn in our family situation. Friday is my last day at work and now we will only be living through Daddy's pay. It will be a struggle for us. I know financially we would be in a bind but my daughter's health is what worries me the most and I come to realize that our financial issues should come second. I just couldn't balance work and the kids (especially Ryla). But my bosses have been the most caring and understanding! I loved my work so much because I love the people I work with! But I was getting physically tired. My body was tired, my mind was tired, my heart was tired. I don't know how we can go through with just one paycheck but I have to do all that I can. For now, we're trying to sign up for all these Foundations that Ryla would quality for but Arcy and I are worried in the long run, how will we make it? I do have Ryla's online store where Ryla will receive commission everytime someone buys a product. It's just so hard having to deal with Cancer in the family and being in financially in trouble. Almost all the parents that I've met in the Hemotology/Oncology Unit are going through the same situation as we are. The mothers on the other hand acutally quit their jobs right from the beginning but I tried to hold on to it as much as I could. They are so financially hurting that I'm so surprised that there is nothing out there that can help families like us for the long term. Maybe there is and I just haven't found out about it but if any of you know of any foundation that does help long term, please let us know. But for now all I can do is keep advertising Ryla's shop: http://www.cafepress.com/rylaslullabye. Since I will be spending most of my days at home now, I will try and add new products to her store so please keep checking in for the new products... *sigh* I hope 2007 will be a better year for us...

WHAT TO DO.... WHAT TO DO....

Hello to all of Ryla's friends,

I'm at work today and I finally did it. My last day is this Friday. I'm afraid on what's going to happen to us financially but I'm just glad that I can now put all my focus on Ryla. I didn't lift off any pressure off our backs, I kind of just replaced one problem with another and I just hope this new problem won't be more stressful than the other. Now, I have to bust my butt at home to make some extra income somehow. I'm just glad that I ended my job in good terms with the company. It was such a hard job to let go of because I really did like my job. About Ryla... Still in the hospital. Her ANC level today actually went back down to 24. I have no idea WHY!! and it's driving me nuts!! I can't stand it in the hospital anymore and I know Ryla can't stand it. She's sooo depressed. I can't stand seeing her like that. I can't stand seeing all those IV lines on her. I just hope we'll be home in time for Thanksgiving. I just spoke with Daddy and there is some hope. Dr was saying that she's been stabled for a while now even though her counts are low sooo... they will be removing the IV lines and see how she does one night without any fluids. If by tomorrow morning, she's still doing well with no complaints or anything, they will finally let us go home tomorrow afternoon. I HOPE things will do well. We are praying SOO hard. I just can't keep seeing her so depressed. A 3 year old should never feel "DEPRESSED"! If I had the funds, I would so spoil her with presents especially after what she had to go through these past 3 weeks... I will update you all tomorrow... Thank you for everyone who was sending their thoughts and prayers. You don't know how much it means to us knowing you are all behind us in all of this.

P.S. Please also keep BREANNA in your prayers... She is currently going through the same intense phase that caused Ryla to be currently in the hospital. BREANNA is a tough girl and please pray that this intense phase won't be so hard on her like it did to Ryla.

<3 always,Ryla's Mommy

TICK TOCK TICK TOCK....

We are still here in the hospital. The computer in the game room was finally free so I hopped on it to update you all. She had ecoli in her system the time she left the hospital the first time but we didn't know until she was admitted again. We will be here until maybe Thursday or Friday. Her ANC level finally went up today. She's up to 15. Not much but it's better than zero. She had a transfusion yesterday and we've been stayin here at the Med/Surg center. There was finally rooms available in the Hemonc Unit but we decided to stay here. Okay she wants to play with the keyboard so I will try to update as often as I can. Thanks

an UPDATE

I just got a text message from Daddy saying that her ANC level is still zero and that her platelet count is really low and that she might have a transfusion today :( She's grumpy today too and Daddy was gonna take her to Toys R Us afterwards but since her counts are zero, he can't risk taking her anywhere right now. Great..... :(

WISHING AND HOPING

Hello everyone. Well, things have been going okay since we’ve been discharged from the hospital. Ryla is starting to get the sniffles though. Hopefully we’ll be able to fight it off with Dymatapp. She doesn’t have a fever though (Thank GOD). It’s just so hard to keep her germ free when Alex is sick at home with us. Doctor told us that you can help try to keep her germ free but you can’t prevent it from happening. So we’re hoping we can get through this. We asked if it would be more appropriate to leave Alex with his grandparents until he gets better but they recommend us not to because they want us to be kept as family. They said it’s not necessary to do that. We’re a family and we have to stay family. So since there’s nothing that is helping Ryla fight any viruses, we’re hoping Dymatapp would do the trick! She’s on her way right now to the hospital with her Daddy to get labs done to see what her counts look like so far. I hope it’s gone up! But Doc said that she will come up slowly. She will have another dose of Vincristine on Wednesday and then from there, we wait till she gets any reaction to these last doses of chemo and if not, we’ll be set on being Maintenance and her hair will start to grow back! YAY! I will let you all know her counts today once I get the text message from Daddy.

TWO THINGS TO CELEBRATE TODAY

HAPPY 1st BIRTHDAY TO MY SON, ALEX!! and Ryla and I are finally home from the hospital! We still can't be together as a family just yet because Alex is sick and Ryla has no immune system so he will still stay at his grandparents house until he either gets better or Ryla's immune system will go back up. But I would like to thank those who visited Ryla in the hospital and for everyone who left me messages and prayers...
<3,Espineli Family

JUST WAITING

Sorry for those who've been waiting on an update. I've been updating everyone on her MySpace page through Daddy's cell phone but it's more difficult getting through here from his phone. We're still here in the hospital. Throughout the week that we've been here, she's had 3 blood transfusions, a higher dose of antibiotics to control her fevers (which she happened to have peeked up to the highest, 103.0), a moment of getting Redman's Syndrome (a reaction to the "Vanc" antibiotic), to almost getting a CT scan but was later one cancelled. During our stay here, she had gotten down to zero with her immune system count (ANC). You have to have at LEAST 500 in order to fight infections. Normal people like us would have a count of 1500. She was at 0. Yesterday she was at 8. So if she wants to leave her room and roam the hallways, she will definitely need to wear a mask. We're just waiting on the doctor to let us know if she can be discharged today. We're not for sure but her Dr. is making his rounds right now and we're just patiently waiting. We have a friend of ours who's daughter is also here. They got admitted the same day for fevers too. She's two years old and her name is Breanna. She was diagnosed about 2 weeks after Ryla. I was there the day they first got admitted and was waiting for the results on why she was so sick. We've all gotten to be good friends. I will be creating a website for Breanna as well when we get out of here. Please continue to pray for our little ones! Thank you! I will update you all again soon!....

GETTING TIRED

Things just doesn't seem to get any better. Last night she went up to a whopping 103.0. I don't know how much longer I can take this. I feel so torn apart. I have her being so miserable in the hospital, I have a sick husband who can't be near her, I have a baby boy whom I miss so much (being taken care of by his grandparents), and I have my work issues. I'm seriously getting physically exhausted with everything... I broke down yesterday (never expected to). But I just wante to say THANK YOU to Charlene for coming to the hospital to visit Ryla and lifting up her spirits with wonderful presents. Thanks girl for being there for me and letting me cry on your shoulder. No matter what happened along these past 4 years, you're still MY SISTER, just like how you were 18 years ago :) Love you girl...
I'm not sure if I mentioned about her blood transfusion that she received the night we got there. But yes she did receive a transfusion. So far her blood culture is still negative from bacteria so I'm thankful for that. She's still getting fevers from left to right. Some are high, some are okay. I don't know how long she'll be doing this but I just hope it will soon be over because I hate seeing her so miserable in the hospital. I'll update you more in the next few days. Thank you..<3,Liza

NEVER SEEMS TO END

*sigh* where do i begin. just when things look good, it's like getting pushed back all over again. she's been getting on and off fevers here. i know the fever goes down everytime from the tylenol but after a couple of hours, she'll peek up again. i just checked her temp about 30 minutes ago and shes back up to 101.6. earlier today she was eating eggs, laughing at tom and jerry cartoons, reading (or looking) at a book... yesterday she was doing good the whole day until around 9pm when they took her temp and she was at 101.1. you have to be fever free for about 48 hours before it will be okay to discharge you. so everytime she gets a fever, we start all over again. after that fever last night, and after a dose of tylenol, she was back to her happy self... we were watching anastasia and she loved it! we were cracking up and we were playing tickle before she went to sleep. i was for sure that would've been her last fever.
luckily we have some company in the hospital. one of our friends are here as well because their daughter (who is two) also came in for fevers. there was this other girl named Rubi who was always here everytime we got admitted. from the very first time ryla was admitted, she was here. her room was decorated with dora! she had a dora veil that hung above her bed. on tuesday as i was walking to our friend's room, i wanted to stop by Rubi's room to see how she was doing. back in may the nurses told me the Rubi has been with them for a very long time. she has a different type of cancer but that's all they could tell me. so everytime i would take ryla out for walks in the hallway, we would stop by her room and wave to her and she would be on her bed, wearing a mask and would wave back. well as i passed by her room, i saw no more Rubi and no more dora. FINALLY she's home! i walked into my friends room and she brought up Rubi because she was looking for her too. i guess you already know where im going with this. yes she did go home... her permanent home with the lord. we're not sure when she earned her wings because nurses won't tell us any details... when Jen asked the nurse "what happened to Rubi" all the nurse said was, "I can't say" and frowned... so we know what happened.
but anyway, this is taking forever for me to type. im sorry i took a while to update you all on ryla's condition. looks like we'll be in there for the weekend as well. please continue to keep ryla in your prayers as well as my friends daughter, Breanna who is also fighting ALL. <3, Espineli Family

ON OUR WAY TO THE HOSPITAL...

I JUST CHECKED HER TEMPERATURE. SHE WAS WEARING A SWEATER AND HAD A BLANKET ON HER AND IT WAS 101.3. I TOOK OFF THE BLANKET AND SWEATER, WAITING A COUPLE OF MINUTES AND TOOK HER TEMPERATURE AGAIN. SHE'S AT 101.6. WE'RE PACKING OUR STUFF RIGHT NOW AND WE'RE HEADING TO THE HOSPITAL RIGHT NOW. PLEASE KEEP HER IN YOUR PRAYERS. THIS IS THE PART THE DOCTORS WARNED US ABOUT! I'LL UPDATE YOU ALL SOON...LIZA

Week 2 of Intense Chemo... Here we go!

Week 2 will begin tomorrow. I will be taking her tomorrow. I know it will be a long day so I'll be bringing the laptop to keep her busy while we're there. I won't have internet access tomorrow so thats why I'm updating this tonight. So far she's still the same! So I'm hoping she's one of those children who has no side effects. This weekend we stayed home. We didn't go anywhere. The weather wasn't looking too great and plus she still looks pale so we decided to make it Blockbuster nights every night for the whole weekend. She enjoyed it... We'll be sleeping downstairs tonight in our air mattress cause they want to watch movies in the big screen :) We put it up on the sitting bench of the window to make it like a movie theater effect to our home. There's not much I can say right now as to her condition because it's been the same. She tries to crawl around which is good but she still can't walk yet. Her hips down to her feet are still weak so she's going to have to regain her strength by exercising. She has been already exercising thanks to her Kuya Dee-A! He's been a good help to her when it comes to her physical therapy. She copies whatever he does so he would do some leg lifts and she does it! When he's not around, all I have to ask her is "Ryla, how did your Kuya Dee-A exercise? Can you show me?" and she'll smile and me and right away lay down and start doing leg lifts! Such a trooper! This will be my 2nd time witnessing her spinal tap. The first time, I literally almost fainted by the sight of how quickly she fell groggy when they gave her the anestesia. It was such a horror to watch my baby girl look so helpless and at the same time trying to say "Mommy" but she was soooo heavily medicated that it sounded like "Mmmuuuuhhhhhhmmmmm...." OMG... I don't know if I can hold back tears tomorrow. It's definitely something a Mother doesn't want to see. Daddy's done it plenty of times so he's use to it. I don't think I'll ever be. I'm just going to suck it up and just keep reminding myself, its to make her better...

I remember the first time we walked in the treatment room with Ryla. Arcy was carrying her while I was wheeling in her IV machine with tears streaming down our faces. There were a lot of families there waiting for their child to either have a spinal tap or just to have chemo done. But we were the only ones so emotional... I noticed while we were sobbing in our area, a lady in front of us starting wiping her tears from her eyes as she watched me and Arcy holding Ryla and not fighting back our tears. Another mother took out tissue from her purse and starting wiping her eyes. When I looked at their children, they already had no hair and seem to be calm... so I figured, they're use to this. I look at Ryla who is also crying, wearing her purple hospital robe and stroking her hair thinking, she will never get use to this. Arcy gets a call from our family members who are waiting outside so he leaves me with her while he lets them know the status of what's going on. Just then, the nurses tell me that Ryla's next for her FIRST spinal tap. That was when I carried her into the room where they do the procedure and I asked if I can just carry her when they put her to sleep because she'll freak out if she were to lay on the bed. They agreed and she was sobbing, laying on my shoulder and at the same time she kept repeating "Mommy.... Mommy..... Mommy...." I was already starting to cry histerically when I saw the white, liquid form going in through her port and then all of a sudden, "Mommy.... Mmoouuuuummm...." and her head just drops and the nurse grabbed her head and supported it on my shoulder... I couldn't hold it in... I started crying even harder and they looked at me like "OMG!" and they were now comforting me! They nurse was like "It's OKAY! SHE'LL BE OKAY!! IS SOMEONE HERE WITH YOU SWEETHEART?!" and I couldn't say anything because Ryla's eyes were still open and her eyes were roaming around the room as if she was looking for me and I can she was trying so hard to call my name... so the doctor said "Let me makes this a lot more easier for you" and he puts his fingers onto her eyes and closes them. OMG that was when I wanted to faint... when they opened the door I see Arcy looking around the treatment room for me and when he turned around to see me crying my eyes out he hugs me and we're in the middle of the treatment room crying! I'll never forget that feeling I felt the first month that she was diagnosed. I remember the next day, I bump into the lady who witnessed our first spinal tap. I was walking back into Ryla's hospital room and I bumped into her in the hallway of the hemoc/onc. She told me that her son also has A.L.L. but this is a relapse. He had it 4 years ago and it came back. She told me that when she first saw us go in the treatment room, crying... she said that she knew it was our first time and she started crying because seeing us brought back memories of when she first had to go through this with her son. She reassured me that things will be fine and that I will soon be able to control my tears and concentrate more on the treatments and getting Ryla better.

Now that we're frequent visitors in the treatment room, I can see how my reaction the first time, really would briing back memories to the other families. I myself would've cried too if I saw a family coming in the room sobbing their eyes out. Well, I just thought you guys might like to know how it was the first time around. It's a lot different now. I can control more of my tears, just like what that lady said. But that first feeling will always be scarred in me...

Tired...

Tonight Ryla wasn't really active like she use to be. Arcy told me not to worry about it and it was just because she was tired after what she went through today (Chemo this morning). She fell asleep earlier than she usually sleeps. She wasn't hungry which is weird considering she's on Steroids. She just didn't want to eat dinner even if I put in her Dora bowl. She just wanted to lay down and watch tv. Next thing I knew, she was asleep. Lately she's getting confused on calling our names. If she's calling Arcy, she'll say "Mommy"... and then with me, sometimes she says "Daddy". I guess she just doesn't pay attention when she calls us. Whatever comes out, that's what we are... Daddy or Mommy.

Tonight I also got the news that Christi has finally earned her wings. I guess that's why I was paranoid with her for acting this way tonight. Arcy just kept reassuring me that she's okay. As I was cooking dinner, tears were falling down my face because I kept thinking about Christi and what her parents are feeling right at this very moment. I know tears have not stopped yet from their eyes and I don't think it ever will. I just can't imagine what they're feeling. I know a big part of them is gone.

The day that the doctor came in our room to tell us the results of her ever first bone marrow test, I felt like someone just ripped my heart out. I was so shocked by the answer and just hearing, "The results are in and I'm sorry to say that, yes, she has Leukemia". The hardest word to ever hear.... and then what made the pain worse was when he said, "But right now, we don't know what type of Leukemia she has so we have to run more tests to see which one she has..." Another day of testing, another day of waiting. We immediately called family and friends who have been patiently waiting by their phones. So much tears were shed that day. I have never cried so hard in my life. I was to the point of passing out and I did start to hyper ventilate. Arcy spoke to me and told me to put myself together because our baby girl needs us more than ever right now.

My sweet little girl didn't even know what was going on and I did not want her seeing me with so much tears in my eyes. The same day we found out about the cancer, was the same day they decided to run more tests on her to figure out which type of Leukemia it was. They wasted no time and we didn't want to waste time either. She was also scheduled a small surgery to install her portal cath (permanent catheter). I've never had surgery and my 2 year old daughter was going to do it first. I cried when they took her away from me to do her surgery and I never stopped crying until I was able to be right next to her. We waited two days until they finally told us that it was Acute Lymphblastic Leukemia. The type we hoped she would get. The other one, which is Acute Myeloid Leukemia has a less percent survival rate.

These things are just flash backs of what happened 4 months ago.

The Beginning

On June 27, 2003 we were blessed. Ryla Amor entered our lives. She was such a happy baby. She was everyone's happiness and she always lit up the room with her smile. She was always eager to learn new things. When she was 1, she learned her ABC's and knew how to count up to 10.
On October 25, 2005, Ryla Amor was happy to finally see her baby brother. Ever since then, they were inseparable. She loved helping Mommy when Alex needed a diaper change and even the changing his clothes.
On April 8, 2006 Ryla tripped and fell on her bottom. She fell on her bottom like how every toddler falls. But this time it was something different. She cried from pain. We thought she was just crying so much because she was scared of what happened. We noticed ever since then, she did not want to walk. We brought her to the hospital to get checked but they said they found nothing. She had no fracture from the looks of her x-ray and believed that she is just over reacting from her fall. A couple of weeks later she did start walking but she had a limp all the time. We could never make anything of it. One week she would be fine and walk around with a limp and then the following week she would not want to walk at all. It was to the point where she would cry when we would change her diaper.
On May 7, 2006 she was looking so pale and so weak. We wasted no time and we rushed her to Childrens Hospital. She had a 104 temperature and right away the nurse gave her a dose of motrin. They drew blood from her to see what's really going on. 4 hours later we knew it was bad news because both doctors that examined her walked in, along with the nurse and the Social Worker. They told us that they got the blood results and they said that it doesn't look good. They said that she MIGHT have Leukemia. My heart sank the moment I heard that word.
May 8, 2006 she had a Bone Marrow test and Spinal Tap and we sat and waited.
May 9, 2006, doctors came in our room and diagnosed her with Acute Lymphblastic Leukemia. We will never forget that day. She started her Chemotherapy the very next day. She will be under going Chemotheraphy for 2½ years. She is a strong girl and although she's feeling so much pain, she never looked at it as a disadvantage. She still is everyone's happiness and I admire her so much for her bravery and strength.