HOLIDAY SEASON

I know it's been a few days since I've updated this. Her counts actually went up! She had an appt yesterday and she's now back up to 522 (ANC). She didn't need a transfusion either! So we're good to go to be hospital free for New Years! We took pictures at Daddy's parents house over the weekend and I'll post them up after I resize them (huge files). Ryla actually stopped walking a little bit after the 5 days of Decadron (Steroids). She's shakey again but she's getting back up to walking again.

When I give her baths, her hair will move around when I would put shampoo on her head! It's growing back!! I'm so excited!! I'm so glad that she is showing NO signs of it coming back. I hope this next year will be a better year for us. We've got big plans this coming year and I'm scared, nervous but also excited. I'll keep you all updated on that later on. Well, I'll see if I can update again before this year ends... if not, my family and I would like to thank everyone who's been by our side during this trial. My family is so thankful and we really appreciate everything that you all did for us. Happy New Year to all.

ROSEY, ROSEY

Ryla's face and lips are so rosey! I'm lovin it! Yesterday's tranfusion gave her the boost she needed so as not to look pale all the time. She's doing much better than the last couple of days. I guess when she's on Steroids, she does things that makes us worry about her but I gotta keep on remembering that its just the steroids. Today is her first day off the steroids and already she's making progress in being back to normal. She's playing with her baby brother downstairs so I can't make this long. Just wanted to tell you how rosey she looks right now!

TRANSFUSIONS, CONFUSIONS

Ryla had another transfusion today at the hospital. Her counts are still low and the doctors are thinking that the chemo that they're giving her is a little too much for her. Right now all Chemo is on hold. I'm not giving her any of her meds at home. Today was her last day of the steroids! YAY! Today, Arcy and I actually had some questions written down to ask the doctors (well actually Arcy text messaged me the questions he had) and as I kept asking her the questions, I couldn't help it and I broke down to her. I guess trying to get all our questions answered was like how I felt when she first was diagnosed, we had nothing but millions of questions the first time.

Last night, Arcy broke down crying. I guess after holding in the fear for a long time, you just burst into an emotional rollercoaster. It was the fact that last night, Ryla was just not being Ryla. She was grumpy, whiney, tired and last night, he just had a glimpse of how she was back in May and it was killing him to see her like that. We still ask, "WHY?!" but we know we will never get the answer to that question. He was thinking a whole lot last night. He said that out of all this time, we were thinking that we were doing all of the sacrifices for her, when really, she's doing the ultimate sacrifice. An innocent little girl has been tainted with so much pain and agony and she doesn't even know why!! This year, by far, has been the worst year of our lives. Yes we are a new family but we've experienced so much pain, frustration, stress in half the time than others. It just never seems to end at all. We keep praying for a better year next year but I can't help but to think that it might just get even worse. I know that I shouldn't think of that and have FAITH but being human, that will always be in the back of my head.

During the end of last week, we went to see if we can get disability for Ryla. I called, got an appointment, Arcy and I went, and we go turned down. We were so certain that we would automatically get approved. That disability was going to help us out in the long run and now we have no where else to go. So what I'm going to do is, I'm going to appeal it. I will try again and try my best to get approved.

There's so much I wanna do for Ryla and for our family as a whole but I feel so stuck! The issue that's keeping me stuck is our financial issue. I know money isn't everything but in this world, you can't get around without any money and I feel so bad that I, RYLA'S MOMMY, can't even give her toys or her favorite meals (Chicken nugget/Cheeseburger Happy Meal), to reward her for being a good girl and taking in her Chemo like a champ! I have to look to somebody else to reward her for it. I know they don't mind doing it at all but I guess it's just one of a MOTHER's worst feeling.

STILL SMILING

Picture taken before the Military Party. Alex didn't go because he would just whine the whole time so we decided to just take Ryla. Ryla was super excited to go to a "PARTY". She couldn't wait the night before and the whole day to wear her "PRINCESS DRESS". We did a trial run on her dress the night before and she wouldn't want to take it off! She would model and take pictures and tell us "I LOB MY DRESS!" She was the highlight of the night! Everyone that saw her that night was throwing compliments left to right about her. She wasn't shy that night either! She waved at everyone that was passing by and when they even played her song, she asked me to go to the dancefloor and she danced! She had such a fun day! And on top of that, we won a Mini Digital Camcorder/Camera on the raffle! She stood up on her chair and was clapping and yelling "GO DADDY!" when they called his name! She was amazing that night! She was definitely a Princess at a Ball!!

DOWN...

I don't understand how all her counts went so low! She had Chemo today and her blood results came out really low! She went from an ANC level of 3,580 to only 520! Her plateletts were low too! No wonder she has been getting so many bruises on her legs! And also she started showing what looks like rashes but it's not. It's just that her plateletts were too low! The weird thing about it is that she showed NO SIGNS of having a low blood count. This girl has been playing, walking, talking, laughing and just had so much energy! She did look pale but I never expected her counts to be this low. I thought it would've just been slightly off. The doctor said that there could be a chance that she's developing something (I PRAY that's not it) or it just could be because of her medications?! I don't know... but I was just very upset today. Her appt was at 9am and we didn't get out until 5:15pm. She had two transfusions done today.

This has been one long day for me. After her appt, I left her and Alex at my in-laws house while Arcy, Joanne and I went to the viewing of my "auntie". I couldn't hold back tears when I walked in. I just can't believe "CANCER" has taken another life... I'm so glad that the kids and "uncle" was taking it really good. They held themselves together. I was the one falling apart and holding in my tears as much as I could.

IN LOVING MEMORY...

I still hang out with friends that I've known for over 19 years and their parents have grown to also be my parents as well. On Friday, I found out that one of my childhood "mom" has passed away from "CANCER". Never knew she had it! I knew she was sick because she was pale and her hair was wearing thin but I never knew that it was cancer. She was battling Cancer for over 2 years! When she first got diagnosed, doctors was already saying that she probably only had less than 6 months but she held on strong for 2 long years! No wonder when Ryla was first diagnosed with Leukemia, they were the first ones to visit her in the hospital. They've been so close to Ryla ever since. I thought that "Oh it's just cause they're like parents to me and knowing what I went through with Ryla the first time (my high risk pregnancy)" but it was much more than that. They were feeling exactly what I've been feeling this whole time. They wanted to keep her battle private. I guess she just didn't want to deal with people talking about it and what not. I just can't believe she's gone. She was one of the most sweetest person! It's just weird cause just recently I brought down a bag of clothes in my in-laws attic and I found a dress that she had made for me. I sure will miss her.

I realized how many of my childhood friend's has had a parent pass away from Cancer and it's just so weird! I realized that a lot of my friends lives were touched with cancer somehow. Ryla HAD leukemia, my friend Rhealynn's dad fought cancer, Lynniel's mom fought cancer, Hershey's mom fought cancer, Josh's dad fought cancer, Erica's mom is still fighting Cancer.... I can't believe how many people around me were touched by cancer! Ijust can't believe it....

By the way, Ryla's still doing GREAT!

HOPING FOR THE BEST

Today's blood results were I guess okay. I wanted it to be better but I knew something must be low because I've noticed that her lips were pale again. Everything is in the normal range except for her red blood cells again. It's below the normal count. Not too low but it's low. Her Hemoglobin is 7.9, you have to be 7.5 or lower to get a blood transfusion. But her ANC level is AWESOME! She's at a whopping 3,580!! I LOVE THAT NUMBER! Next week she's due for Chemotherapy and also.... DECADRON for another 5 days. I thought she would never have to take Steroids ever again but I guess the nurses that told me that, didn't look further into her road map. She'll be hating next week because they will have to access her through her port (or what she likes to call it, her BUDDY). I'll be taking a picture of her for my little project about, seeing her hair grow month after month soon!

We're slowing getting the feel of the financial struggle now. Our savings are practically gone now (fast huh?) So I tried calling the Foundations for more help.... so far, no response back. I even went further and tried to enter us in our local radio station's contest called "12 days of Christmas" at 101.5 KGB, where for 12 days in a row, they will give $1000 to a family in need for this holiday season. So far no calls either. I've never done that before and especially enter for our sake, but we're getting stuck now. I'm running out of ways to get some sort of extra income. I called S.S. and applied Ryla for disability so hoping that will go through for us and that will help out a lot. We also applied for WIC for us today too. I'm just so close to asking for my job back but I know I can't just yet. We have to adjust to being around $2000 less every month. That is a big cut, don't you think? Just imagine, while I was working, we were actually just getting by. We had enough to go to Sea World ever-so-often just to see the shamu shows that Ryla loves and maybe go and eat out at a restaurant. And for those who have my cell phone number, I will be disconnecting my cell just so that we can save money and we'll be keeping Daddy's cell phone active. I'm just venting out right now... I know God won't leave us alone. I know he'll be answering our prayers. We just gotta be patient!

SMOOTH SAILING....

Ryla is doing a fantastic job! Last night and the night before, we went to Balboa Park for the Winter Lights Festival and she had fun! It was cold but the cold didn't bother her, not one bit! She enjoyed seeing all of the Christmas Lights. We have more pictures but it's in my sister's camera so once she uploads it, I will add it on here.
Ryla will be going to her next doctors appt on Wednesday and I'm happy that it's just a CBC and nothing more. Just a prick on the finger! :) I hope that her counts are normal and okay. Oh yeah, you can see a light coat of hair all over her head! Once you can really see it, I will show you guys! I think I should do a monthly shot of her! What do you guys think? Maybe at the end of every month, I'll take a picture of her and you can see the progress of her hair growth!! :)