Tired...

Tonight Ryla wasn't really active like she use to be. Arcy told me not to worry about it and it was just because she was tired after what she went through today (Chemo this morning). She fell asleep earlier than she usually sleeps. She wasn't hungry which is weird considering she's on Steroids. She just didn't want to eat dinner even if I put in her Dora bowl. She just wanted to lay down and watch tv. Next thing I knew, she was asleep. Lately she's getting confused on calling our names. If she's calling Arcy, she'll say "Mommy"... and then with me, sometimes she says "Daddy". I guess she just doesn't pay attention when she calls us. Whatever comes out, that's what we are... Daddy or Mommy.

Tonight I also got the news that Christi has finally earned her wings. I guess that's why I was paranoid with her for acting this way tonight. Arcy just kept reassuring me that she's okay. As I was cooking dinner, tears were falling down my face because I kept thinking about Christi and what her parents are feeling right at this very moment. I know tears have not stopped yet from their eyes and I don't think it ever will. I just can't imagine what they're feeling. I know a big part of them is gone.

The day that the doctor came in our room to tell us the results of her ever first bone marrow test, I felt like someone just ripped my heart out. I was so shocked by the answer and just hearing, "The results are in and I'm sorry to say that, yes, she has Leukemia". The hardest word to ever hear.... and then what made the pain worse was when he said, "But right now, we don't know what type of Leukemia she has so we have to run more tests to see which one she has..." Another day of testing, another day of waiting. We immediately called family and friends who have been patiently waiting by their phones. So much tears were shed that day. I have never cried so hard in my life. I was to the point of passing out and I did start to hyper ventilate. Arcy spoke to me and told me to put myself together because our baby girl needs us more than ever right now.

My sweet little girl didn't even know what was going on and I did not want her seeing me with so much tears in my eyes. The same day we found out about the cancer, was the same day they decided to run more tests on her to figure out which type of Leukemia it was. They wasted no time and we didn't want to waste time either. She was also scheduled a small surgery to install her portal cath (permanent catheter). I've never had surgery and my 2 year old daughter was going to do it first. I cried when they took her away from me to do her surgery and I never stopped crying until I was able to be right next to her. We waited two days until they finally told us that it was Acute Lymphblastic Leukemia. The type we hoped she would get. The other one, which is Acute Myeloid Leukemia has a less percent survival rate.

These things are just flash backs of what happened 4 months ago.

The Beginning

On June 27, 2003 we were blessed. Ryla Amor entered our lives. She was such a happy baby. She was everyone's happiness and she always lit up the room with her smile. She was always eager to learn new things. When she was 1, she learned her ABC's and knew how to count up to 10.
On October 25, 2005, Ryla Amor was happy to finally see her baby brother. Ever since then, they were inseparable. She loved helping Mommy when Alex needed a diaper change and even the changing his clothes.
On April 8, 2006 Ryla tripped and fell on her bottom. She fell on her bottom like how every toddler falls. But this time it was something different. She cried from pain. We thought she was just crying so much because she was scared of what happened. We noticed ever since then, she did not want to walk. We brought her to the hospital to get checked but they said they found nothing. She had no fracture from the looks of her x-ray and believed that she is just over reacting from her fall. A couple of weeks later she did start walking but she had a limp all the time. We could never make anything of it. One week she would be fine and walk around with a limp and then the following week she would not want to walk at all. It was to the point where she would cry when we would change her diaper.
On May 7, 2006 she was looking so pale and so weak. We wasted no time and we rushed her to Childrens Hospital. She had a 104 temperature and right away the nurse gave her a dose of motrin. They drew blood from her to see what's really going on. 4 hours later we knew it was bad news because both doctors that examined her walked in, along with the nurse and the Social Worker. They told us that they got the blood results and they said that it doesn't look good. They said that she MIGHT have Leukemia. My heart sank the moment I heard that word.
May 8, 2006 she had a Bone Marrow test and Spinal Tap and we sat and waited.
May 9, 2006, doctors came in our room and diagnosed her with Acute Lymphblastic Leukemia. We will never forget that day. She started her Chemotherapy the very next day. She will be under going Chemotheraphy for 2½ years. She is a strong girl and although she's feeling so much pain, she never looked at it as a disadvantage. She still is everyone's happiness and I admire her so much for her bravery and strength.